rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
