my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He passed out mid-signature
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
