Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize