i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
