so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
