There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
