I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i drank out of a bidet.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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