walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
