Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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