Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
