Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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