the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
