Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
