i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
