it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
