I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
