from now on my penis is your penis
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
