what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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