I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
That reminds me...we need to get swords
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
