we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
