Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
