i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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