and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Randomize
