i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
