We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
