remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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