Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
it's great music for shaving your balls
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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