im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
