So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
