Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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