Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She bit a glass in half.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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