It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
