I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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