she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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