Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
