As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
