Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
