My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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