I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
