Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
