I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
why is half of my head shaved?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
