Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
What a dumb baby whore.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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