I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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