He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
