apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We need to rekindle our bromance
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
