In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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