It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Your penis caused this!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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