I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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