I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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