They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
