are you still at the devil's house?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
