Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
