upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
