the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
These tits shall not be calmed
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
