Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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