I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
