he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
