I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
