I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Need sex. Gaining weight.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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