he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
