her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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