I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
