what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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