I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
