Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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