You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
