Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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