I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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