I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
