I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
