shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
