This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
