FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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