I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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