can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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