Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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