there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
