would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
