I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
