Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
