My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
