Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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