i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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