Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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