We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
