If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
