i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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