Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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